One way to peacefully resolve conflict is for each side
- to come together voluntarily
- to work cooperatively on the issues
- under the guidance of a trained facilitator
The following process should be under the guidance of a trained facilitator.
Bring your conflicted parties together in a private location, and:
- Gather information: identify key issues without making accusations
Focus on what the issues are, not who did what
Do not accuse, find fault, call names
- Each party states their position and how it has affected them;
Others listen attentively and respectfully without interruption
- Each party, in turn, repeats or describes as best they can
the other's position to the listener's satisfaction
(c.f.
Franklin Covey's fifth habit "Seek first to understand, then
to be understood")
- Parties try to view the issue from other points of view beside the two
conflicting ones
- Parties brain storm to find the middle ground, a point of balance,
creative solutions, etc.
- Each side volunteers what he or she can do to resolve the conflict or
solve the problem
- A formal agreement is drawn with agreed-upon actions for both parties;
- A procedure is identified should disagreement arise
- Progress is monitored
- Progress rewarded or celebrated
Conflict resolution should be a voluntary process that
- reflects the school's values if applied throughout the school
- is also modeled and followed by teachers, administrators, and staff
- will fail if perceived as a process for students only
Each party in collaborative conflict resolution
should feel empowered to speak their mind, feel listened to, and feel they are
a critical part of the solution. So also, each is obligated to respect and
listen to others, try to understand their point of view; and actively work toward
a mutual decision.
If the conflict cannot be resolved in this manner,
mediation by a third, neutral party (as in peer mediation); or
arbitration (enforced resolution by a neutral authority) are options
Education is an excellent setting
to learn problem solving and conflict resolution strategies. Whether the conflict
is a classroom real-life simulation exercise or an on-going emotional experience,
learning ways to resolve issues and collaboratively work through responses and
solutions will teach you skills that can be applied in other settings. It
can help you:
- accept differences
- recognize mutual interests
- improve persuasion skills
- improve listening skills
- break the re-active cycle or routine
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- learn to disagree without animosity
- build confidence in recognizing win-win solutions
- recognize/admit to/process anger and other emotions
- solve problems!
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Adapted with permission from "Conflict Resolution
Training Manual,"
Friends School of
Minnesota, June 2002.
See also:
Conflict
Negotiation: Skills Checklist Umbreit, M.S. 1995. Conflict Negotiation:
Skills Checklist. St. Paul, MN:
Center for Restorative Justice & Peacemaking,
University of Minnesota.
Deutsch, Morton & Coleman, Peter T.,
Handbook of Conflict Resolution: Theory and Practice,
April 2000, Jossey-Bass
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